Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
