My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize