I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
