you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
