i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize