Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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