Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
