Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She bit a glass in half.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
