There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
worst night to have a conscience
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
