Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
