i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
