What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
