So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
