I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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