Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i now understand why vodka
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
