I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
