why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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