would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
