I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
why is half of my head shaved?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
