I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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