Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
