I bet he comes in French.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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