Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
