Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
