just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize