Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
