how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
