I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
