I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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