a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
