Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
