My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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