Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
