Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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