Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
