How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
