Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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