SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
