On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
