I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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