Porn is love you can see.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
