last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
