no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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