When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just blew my weed a kiss
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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