Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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