dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
