That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
