May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
