If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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