So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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