She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
