I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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