dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
