Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize