perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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