if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
