hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
