So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
