U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
