no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
