btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
