My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
