Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
