he puts the penis in happiness.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
