just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
