clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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