fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
now i know why i became what i already was.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
